Examination of conscience is not only done before going to Confession but also every night before going to bed. It is a short moment (2-3minutes) of putting one’s self in God’s presence to reflect on how our day has transpired to give thanks to God, to ask pardon and help from Him, and to form a concrete resolution for the next day. It is an act of piety which helps us in our daily conversion and path towards holiness for love of God.
Our quest for holiness means we have to rectify our steps a little every day, striving for continual conversion. In order to maintain this permanent readiness to improve, we need a spirit of examination, an eagerness to get to know ourselves and correct our mistakes.
- As an early Church writer says: Above all, get to know yourself. Certainly nothing is harder or more laborious. But when you do attain self-knowledge, you will come to know God, and treat other people better.
The examination of conscience stems directly from our desire to serve and please God. The Church has always recommended it to her sons and daughters: Probet autem seipsum homo, let a man examine himself, St Paul says to the Corinthians.
- Even virtuous pagans used to practise self-examination. The lowliest chestnut-seller on the banks of the Tiber tallies up her daily takings, how much the chestnuts have cost her, and how long she has taken to sell them.
Let’s speak clearly: examination has always been practised by all discerning men and women who take an interest in the things of God or those of the world.
Our spirit of examination should be searching and sincere. Only in this way can we correct the deep-rooted tendency to self-exaltation that leads us astray; only in this way can we be effectively united to our Lord, rectifying our steps as often as necessary.
- What have you been concerned about, since you took on all those commitments? St. Josemaria asked. About yourself, or about the glory of God? About yourself, or about others? About yourself, your own things, your silly little things, your wretchedness, your flashes of pride, your occasions of sensuality? What do you spend your time thinking about? Meditate on this and then let your heart act on your will and your mind.
Obstacles to self-examination.
My child, St. Josemaria continues, how are things going? How are you preparing for a rigorous examination, asking our Lord for grace, so that you may get to know him and to know yourself, and so be converted once more? We should ask our Lord for a spirit of examination of conscience, a stable disposition enlivened by grace, to see into the motives of our actions at every moment. Self-knowledge is never easy, since so many obstacles stand in its way.
- In the first place there is the devil, the enemy of our holiness, who ever since the beginning has concentrated his efforts on stopping us from examining our hearts, because he knows the benefits that a soul gains by daily examination of conscience. St Peter warned us: Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour.
- Laziness is another enemy. One of the first signs of laziness is precisely carelessness in the examination of conscience. I passed by the field of a sluggard, by the vineyard of a man without sense, Sacred Scripture says, and lo, it was all overgrown with thorns; the ground was covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down.
To help us grow in our spirit of self-examination and avoid lukewarmness, our plan of life includes the examinations of conscience. But they require determination, effort, and a desire to improve. St. Josemaria warned: There is a stupid little enemy, but a very effective one nonetheless, namely, a lack of diligence in examination.
St. Josemaria left a specific example in his spiritual notes: It occurs to me that a good way of doing the examination of conscience is the following, which I will note down very briefly:
Prayer: How did I behave during the prayer? Did I carry out, this day, my resolutions? Have I had presence of God? Did I go about with a proper spirit of recollection…?
Expiation: How did I receive, today, the setbacks coming from God’s hand? Those that my companions afforded me, by their character? Those caused by my own wretchedness? Did I manage to offer our Lord, as expiation, the very sorrow I feel for having offended him – so often! Did I offer him the shame of my interior blushes and humiliations, in considering how little I advance on the path towards virtue?
Action: Did I always act, during the day, as our Lord would have done? In this thing, that thing, and that other one?…
- This examination is compatible with any other system one might follow: for example, with that used by those who consider how the day went, hour by hour; or also with that of others who examine their obligations towards God, their neighbour and themselves: these three points can also be considered under the headings of prayer, expiation and action. And likewise with any other manner of doing the examination of conscience.
Examination of conscience should not lead to discouragement, but to trust in God our Father.
A spirit of examination of conscience leads to a habitual struggle to discover and correct our faults. But the sight of our continual errors should never dishearten us, since God, our infinitely good Father, continues sending us his grace with unbounded patience.
- This is the way we Christians must travel, St. Josemaria tells us. We have to cry out ceaselessly with a strong and humble faith, “Lord, don’t trust me. But I, I put my trust in you.” Then, as we sense in our hearts the love, the compassion, the tenderness of Christ’s gaze upon us, for he never abandons us, we shall come to understand the full meaning of those words of St Paul, virtus in infirmitate perficitur(power is made perfect in weakness). If we have faith in our Lord, in spite of our failings – or rather, with our failings – we shall be faithful to our Father, God; his divine power will shine forth in us, sustaining us in our weakness.
Humility, a consequence of our divine filiation, leads us to be patient with ourselves. The examination of conscience should never lead to discouragement.
- Discouragement comes when we exaggerate or when we fail to make our struggle specific. We need to specify clearly what has gone well in our interior life, what has gone badly, and what could go better.
- St. Josemaria insisted: as a good doctor, upon seeing a patient, does not tell him that his whole body is decayed, so I beg you, for love of Jesus Christ, to have confidence. A true spirit of examination is altogether opposed to scruples. Getting down to specifics prevents pessimism by singling out points of infection and helping us evaluate them objectively. My daughters and sons, see the positive aspect of things. What may seem very terrible in life is not that black, not that dark. If you are specific, you will not arrive at pessimistic conclusions.
Let us approach our Lord trustingly, to gain objectivity and serenity when faced with our failures. If we pray with humble sincerity, God will hear us.Turn to me, Lord, and be gracious to me; for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distress. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. No matter how big they may seem to us, our sins can be set right by an act of contrition and a specific resolution to improve.
Our Blessed Lady will win for us a true spirit of examination, to discover ways to struggle better, and begin again each day. Mary, our Mother, auxilium Christianorum, refugium peccatorum (help of Christians, refuge of sinners): intercede with your Son to send us the Holy Spirit, to awaken in our hearts the decision to go ahead confidently, making us hear deep in our soul the call which filled with peace the martyrdom of one of the first Christians: veni ad Patrem: come, return to your Father, he is waiting for you
-Excerpt and adapted from Book of Meditations (private collection) Friday, 22nd OT.
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